Published on September 25, 2010
Philippine Daily Inquirer's 2bU
WE’RE all aware of this: a broken heart has this incredible power to make everything hurt and everything hurtful; it’s easy to believe that there is no end to all the hurting. But when I had my heart broken and found myself just longing and wondering if letting it all go was doing the right thing, I realized that all I needed to do was to make the conscious effort to choose being okay.
Pull yourself together
I scoured everywhere for instant heartbreak panaceas which, I later learned, do not exist. It dawned on me: If I keep myself from perceiving things positively, then nothing could ever pull me out of the bog I fell in.
Like a lot of broken-hearted girls, I also wanted a serendipitous moment that would bring me and the boy I liked back together. That moment wherein everything would seem as if being with that one person was the only thing that mattered.
But after months of disconnection, I realized, if none of us were willing to make our relationship work again, then our parting was necessary and final. If we really wanted our relationship to work out, then we wouldn’t choose to sit down doing nothing about it.
Realizing this, instead of simply reminiscing and moping around, I worked hard to become the person even I would love.
Remember that you are strong
To keep myself from feeling downright pathetic, I enrolled in self-improvement classes, applied for a job, and made new friends. The more I put myself out there, no matter how embarrassing the side-effects of my actions were, the more strength and confidence I gained to move on with my life.
This I know now: Heartbreak and loneliness are not enough to diminish a person. In all truth, we’re all stronger than we think we are and we have more than we think we do. Two facts we always forget.
Appreciate all the love you get
Knowing that my life isn’t dependent on my relationship with a single person, it became easier to get up and dust myself off all the pain I was feeling.
My friends and family were a big part of the healing process and even redefined love for me. I learned it’s not always about fireworks and butterflies in the stomach—because I found love the afternoon my friends sat on the washroom floor to be with me when all I could do was cry.
It was the same for my family when they listened to me as I was bawling my eyes out, instead of scolding me for going out with a boy even if I knew it was against the rules. There were no fireworks and butterflies during those times, but still, I describe them as filled with love.
Know that you will be okay
Losing someone is never easy. The thing with life is that it’s never eager to please. Sometimes, we have to fight for our right to be happy. When I made the decision to just to let go and be okay, all the pain didn’t vanish at once, but I was able to carry on with more confidence and faith in myself.
In times of a broken heart, the worst you can do is to deny love. Just go forth with as much grace as you can and let in whatever kind of love you find—it won’t always be romantic, but it will always be good.
Sooner or later, I can assure you, you’ll find the love you want and it’ll even be better than you imagined. You will be okay.
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